So I know I had a whole week to come up with today’s topic, but I’ll be honest—I kinda got nada. There’s pretty much nothing more frustrating for a writer than writers block (or horrible grammar), and unfortunately today I’m facing it full force. There’s been a lot of craziness going down around me the last few days, things I could write about for hours, but they’re not my issues and I’m not at liberty to share yet, so it’s hard trying to focus on anything else. My boyfriend just got back from a week-long trip and I thought about writing about that and the whole process of anxious insanity girlfriends go through while their men are away, but it’s just not inspiring me enough. Since I figure I’ll probably hit this mental block again at some point, it would be cool if you guys could leave feedback (via comments or on Instagram) and let me know what kind of subjects I should address in the future.
Anyway, while I was lying in bed this morning next to my jet-lagged boo, re-familiarizing myself with our snuggle formation, I kept trying to think, “What the hell will I write about today?” Then Leah’s bitchism ‘Falling In Love Kills Creativity’ came to mind. I remember the first time she posted it, I was stupid in love with my man. I still am, if not more, but it was during those few hazy months where everything I saw made me think of him and almost every sentence started with some variation of “Well my boyfriend said…” You know, that succession of weeks where every Monday he’s your #MCM until you realize, “Wait, why am I gassing this fool?” But I digress! So I see said bitchism, and it instantly made me feel some type of way; it was like getting called out on about some shit you’re in denial over. It made me take a step back and look at myself, and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed by the truth of it.
Love is one of those strange, subjective things. It betters some people and completely destroys others. Do I think it kills creativity? It depends, but sure, sometimes. I mean, it can kill a person. More specifically, I think happy love kills creativity. Some artists thrive off positivity and create beautiful work from it, but those never seem to be the ones we’re most moved by. When everything is dandy and you’re scribbling initials in hearts and the focus has completely drifted from the dark, complicated things inside of you, of course you’re not creating on the same level. Love in the raw form—now that shit can extract brilliance from you. Because if you’ve even been in love, you know it’s often a place of extremity. The person who fills you with the most joy (a joy you become dependent on like drugs) can just as equally bring you to your darkest points; they can give you everything and then take it all away. That’s the type of love that results in Van Gogh self-portraits and Taj Mahal’s and Ophelia’s. Unless you’re in a love so powerful that it leaves you numb, then the creativity is still there, it just needs to be extracted a different way. And that I’m-so-fucking-in-love-that-I’m-numb feeling doesn't last forever.
Trying to think back on when I’ve felt my most inspired, it’s hard to pinpoint, but I think I’ve managed to maintain a pretty decent level of creative output through my current relationship. At the end of the day, being creative is how I deal with emotions. If I’m heartbroken or pissed, I’ll make a bunch of collages or angrily unload the contents of my mind into the keyboard. If I’m happy, it’s pretty much the same, just hued more in shades of pastel. That said, this will still always be one of my favorite bitchisms; it’s just a great reminder that love isn’t an excuse to fall off your own game. And if your friends are hating on you and saying you’ve changed or been slacking because of new romance—fuck em’. I’m all for positive reinforcement from homies, especially if you’re acting a fool, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s up to the individual to do whatever they’re gonna do. How else do you learn from your mistakes?
Alright, well that’s enough of my weekly, last-minute rant/reflection—I can’t be churning out literary gems every Wednesday now can I?! We have a super fucking interesting interview coming up either next week or the week after though, I swear it’ll be worth the wait. In the meantime, leave feedback or drop some hints of shit I should post about in the future! Someone just mentioned I should talk about interracial porn, so keep the suggestions cummin’. See you bitches next week!